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Audio files from ‘Discovering the Essence: How to Build a Spirtual Practice When Your Religion is Cracking Apart’

Each of the audio files below features a spiritual practice and a related reading from ‘Discovering the Essence.’

Recording #1 From ‘Dsicovering the Essence’ Just Sitting

For free readings from ‘Discoring the Essence’ Click here.

Practice number 2: Following the breath
Practice number 3: A Breath Prayer
Practice number 4: Centering Prayer
Practice number 5: A Welcoming Prayer
Practice 5: Here I am, Here you are
Practice 6: Loving Kindness Meditation

For information on ordering the book, click here. When you do read the book, I’d love an honest Amazon review to help others determine if the book is right for them.

Summer 2021 will see our first cohort of ‘Discussing the Essence.’ If you’d like information about joining this pay-what-you-can, zoom-based exploration of deconstruction click the contact link or email It is not necesarry to purchase or read the book to join us for this time. For more information, click ‘here.


Exercise 74: Welcoming Whatever is Next With a Bow

Silhouette of a businessman bowing

There’s an excellent discussion of the spiritual power of bowing here. Two of the main take-aways from that excellent podcast are:

#1) Bowing is a supple, flexible, living reaction. This posture conveys an heir of willingness to respond to whatever comes next.

#2) There is an element of release and surrender in a bow; an heir of recognition that we stand before something that we may not fully comprehend.

As I listened to that podcast and pondered the end of 2020, it struck me as a rather timely response to this place we find ourselves in: we are saying good-bye to the strangest year in recent memory; we made it through the darkest time of the year. Residents (like myself) of the USA are in wondering if this next president will steer us away from the dangers we had been barelling toward.

The temptation can be to simply imagine a motion like bowing. The body is the doorway to so much that is good. Including it in rituals and practices is incredibly powerful. It is good to physically bow from whereever you are. It would be even better to stand solemnly and bow from a standing, respectful position.

I’ve presented a few different combinations of a bow with versions of the welcoming prayer in the space below. The first (74A) is one keyed to life changes. It might, for example, be used on New Year’s Eve. The second and third practices (74B and 74C) are practices which incorporate a bow into traditional approaches to the welcoming prayer. These are most often used to make peace with uncomfortable emotional realities.

As always, I hope you will play and explore with these practices as you construct something which will work best for you.

74A: Bowing and Welcoming the New Year (or other new transitions)

  1. Find yourself in this moment suddenly, with the finality of a snap of the fingers.
  2. Review in your mind the realities that you had been living in. As best you can, experience this past in your body and through your senses. Take your time to fully relive this.
  3. Bow to this reality that you have lived through.
  4. Welcome your feelings, thoughts, and emotions about this reality that is passing. Name and welcome them, out loud if possible. “Welcome, sadness.” “Welcome, regret.” “Welcome joy.” Etc. Bow to each of the feelings you have about this time and place.
  5. Inhale.
  6. Exhale.
  7. Bring to mind the new reality that is coming. Consider the things you know and the things you hope. Be open to the aspects you know about and the mysteries that you do not. Just as before, experience this in your body, through your senses as much as possible.
  8. Bow to this new reality.
  9. Identify and name your feelings about this new thing that is coming. Welcome each of these with words, “Welcome, excitement.” “Welcome, anxiety.” Bow to each of these feelings.
  10. Inhale.
  11. Exhale.
  12. Check in with your heart, body, and mind. What are you feeling? How are you carrying it. Bow, too, to your bodies reactions to this practice and the feelings you are carrying now.
  13. If you’d like, as best as you can, exhale these feelings and sit in a time of wordlessness.

Exercise 74B: One approach to Bowing and Welcoming Emotions

The Exercise:

  1.  Create a safe, quiet environment for yourself.  Turn down your phone and consider lighting a candle.
  2. Breathe deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth.
  3. Take a mental inventory of where you are, right now.  List the feelings you are experiencing.  Do your best to engage this with a nonjudgemental attitude.  Your feelings are neither good nor bad.  They simply are.  
  4. Choose the feeling which seems to be the most impactful.  Bow to this thought or emotion.
  5. Think, or say “Welcome ___________”  (E.G. ‘Welcome, Fear.  Welcome, sadness.  Welcome, anxiety.  Etc.)
  6. Say, or think, ‘I let go of my desire to change this feeling.’  or ‘I let go of my ___________’  or ‘God, I give you my _____________’
  7. You might wish to bow again, this time to whoever or whatever is taking up this emotion.
  8. Progress on to the next emotion, repeating steps 4 and 5.
  9. When you have worked through these emotions, spend a moment doing a mental inventory, assessing whether you feel differently.

Exercise 74C: A Second Approach to Welcoming Emotions with a Bow

  1. Create a safe, quiet environment for yourself.  Turn down your phone and consider lighting a candle.
  2. Breathe deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth.
  3. Take a mental inventory of where you are, right now.  List the feelings you are experiencing.  Do your best to engage this with a nonjudgemental attitude.  Your feelings are neither good nor bad.  They simply are.  
  4. Choose the feeling which seems to be the most impactful.  Think, or say “Welcome ___________”  (E.G. ‘Welcome, Fear.  Welcome, sadness.  Welcome, anxiety.  Etc.)
  5. Breathe once.
  6. Say, or think “I let go of my desire for security and survival.’
  7. Bow and breathe again.
  8. Say, or think, ‘I let go of my desire for esteem and affection.’
  9. Bow and breathe again.
  10. Say, or think ‘I let go of my desire for power and control.’
  11. Bow and breathe.
  12. Say, or think, ‘I let go of my desire to change the situation.’
  13. If you wish, you can repeat this process for a second, troubling emotion.

If you’d like to participate in ‘Discussing the Essence’ fill out a contact form at the top of this page or email

Discussing the Essence

Fill out a contact form above, or email to recieve the link. ‘Discussing the Essence’ will meet on alternate weeks. Here is the general routine:

5-10 minute icebreaker (yes, introverts. It will be optional.)

5-10 minute reading from ‘Discovering the Essence

5-10 minute reflection from guests (There might be some weeks without a guest.)

15-20 minute guided spiritual practice

20-30 minute general discussion

We’ll use ‘Discovering the Essence‘ as a sort-of blue print, borrowing the topics from the chapters in order. This means that the first week will cover the introduction’s theme of ‘You will be ok’ and ‘Why Spiritual Practice?’ The next session, meeting January 28 will explore the question ‘What do I believe now?’ February 11’s topic will be ‘Who is left in my life now?’ and Feb 25 will cover the question ‘My God, why have you forsaken me?’ (This is an exploration of the sense of estrangement and isolation from God.)

I believe firmly that there are millions of us who might benefit from an opporutnity to process and discuss our spiritual transition. However, some might require more intensive support than this program can offer. Religious trauma is a real and often destructive force. I wish to be clear that I am a deconstructed, Christ-centered mystic with good intentions. I am not a trained therapist. While it’ll be nice to see lots of friendly faces on zoom, it’s much more important that people take care of themselves. If you would benefit from professional mental health support I strongly encourage you to seek this out.

Exercise 66: Mindful Eating

Background:   Mindfulness asks us to sit with our sensory experiences.  It recognizes that our ability to taste, touch, and smell does not have the ability to look to the future or the past.  Nearly anything can be approached this way.   But eating is a good place to begin, particurly for sevens.  When Enneagram lore identifies ‘gluttony’ as the sin of sevens, they are careful to point out that this means more than food.  But food is certainly a part of it!

This is a practice that can be done with incredibly tiny parts of food.  To anticipate the eating, for example, of a single M&M can be a joyous, delightful thing.

As written below, this practice assumes that you will have something prepared to eat.  But there is no reason to begin feeling present once the food is prepared.  Being slow and aware during the process of getting the food ready is a great way to be.


The Practice 


  •  Take three deep breaths: inhalations and exhalations.  Finding yourself here.
  • Experience yourself as existing in the center of a vast network of relationships, all of which collaborated to bring this food to you.  Consider the person who sold it to you, the person who stocked the shelves.  The shippers who transformed it.  The farms that grew it or the factory that packaged it.  Allow yourself a moment of grattitude for this network of relationships; widen it even further if you wish; consider the people who trained and supported the shipper, the sales people, the farmers., for example.
  • Behold the food that you are going to eat.  Seek to see it as something truly unique.  This is not just an example of whatever sort of food you are eating (i.e. it’s not just an apple; it is one particular apple.)  
  • Turn the plate so that you can view this from some other angle.  Seeking to discover something about the appearance of this thing.
  • Smell the food.  Make yourself present to this scent.
  • Place a small bite of the food in your mouth.  Explore this texture with your tongue.  Don’t bite into it yet.
  • Note the flavor and the texture of this thing.  See if this texture and flavor are  unifrom.
  • Now, bite into this food slowly.  Notice the ways it is ground between your teeth.  Be present to the tastes and the textures that change.  Allow this chewed food to land on your tongue.
  • Tune in to the ways that this slowly grows uniform in taste and texture.  Notice any changes in your body as it reacts to the tastes.
  • When it is time, swallow this bite of food.
  • If there is more of the food left, take a look at the portion that remains.  Note how the bite you took out of it.  
  • Smell the food again.  How has the taste changed?
  •   Be present to other changes in your body.  Does your belly began to feel full?  Is your throat dry?  What taste remains even with the food no longer in your mouth?
  • Repeat steps 6-13 until the food has been eaten.
  • Sit in a moment of grattitude for this food. 



Exercise 65: Hand Washing as a Spiritual Practice

Background:  The most important thing is that you wash your hands correctly.  See this link for more details.

Once those details are committed to, we can move into an attitude to have about hand washing.  (It was this amazing podcast that helped me to see this, by the way.)

There is something to be said about having a regular return to the here and now through out the day.  Christian Monks had a Liturgy of the hours which called them to their prayers periodically.  Zen Buddhist teachers are known to periodically strike novices to bring them into the present while meditating.  Some people like periodic chimes to help bring them to the present.  Mindfulness and Celtic Traditions both would have us identify common occurences like walking through a threshold as an invitation into the present.

In this time, when suddenly we are washing are hands as frequently as we should have been all along, we have a rather convenient and regularly occurring event that we might use as our gateway into being here, now.  Each time we wash our hands, we could pass those twenty seconds singing “happy birthday” or whatever.  Or we could use it as a time to fully in those moments.

What is even better is that this is an act of self care, an act of affirming our body, an act that carries sensory experiences with it.  Just as we might focus on the feeling of the air right below our nostril as we inhale, we might locate our full attention on the soft, sudsy warmth flowing over our hands.  Our senses– including touch– do not have the ability to regret the past or worry over the future.  This is why tuning into to sensory input is such a centering practice.

Whatever you do, please just make sure you passed the full 20 seconds!

The Practice:

Each time you wash your hands, simply be present to that wonderful moment.  Tune into the temperature and percussion of the water.  Feel the soapy slickness as the lather works up.  Try and find something new about this experience.  Catalog each little detail.  

Welcome to The Open Hand Podcast

We are proud to present a new podcast focusing on contemplative practices and the mystic’s path.  My best is that episodes will be released more often than monthly but less often than each week.

Episode #2: 

Episode #1:

Transcript of episode #1:

Hi.    ‘Welcome to the Open Hand: A Faith-ing Project Podcast.  It might be asked, why would you want to release a podcast now?

It  is a strange time.  We began as these isolated people living these isolated lives.  And now some of us find ourselves under doctors orders to isolate more.  Others of us find ourselves wanting to be good citizens, and wondering how much contact with each other we should have.  Should I go to church?  Should I go to the bar and  have a beer?

Our health, safety, jobs, and ways of life are threatened.

I live in urban Massachusetts; that’s the north eastern corner of the United States.  When I went out yesterday, it seemed like most people are responding to this crisis by rushing out, buying the most unlikely and impractical of things, and then rushing back home.  People are buying enough  toilet paper, cleaning products, paper towels and bottled water to withstand the end of the world a few times over.

I am sure I am not the first person in your life to observe how little sense this makes.

My read on this situation is that we have become like Pavlovs dogs.  We have been conditioned to feel relief when we spend money.  There are only a few things we can control right now, as elected leaders and bosses make policies that will rock our world, as friends and neighbors get sick, as our security nets begin to show signs of strains.  One  of the  The few things that we can do to  lower our chances of getting sick are around cleaning.  So my best guess is that these two impulses are working together, deep inside.   I don’;t think many people buying these supplies are consciously recognizing it…  and of course, once the shortage begins the rest of us are faced with the question of what we are going to do, knowing that we are going to need some of them.  When we watch the supplies dwindling will we practice defensive shopping and snatch up as many items are there?  Or will we resist our anxiety, resist our capitalistic programming, and simply get what we need?


And that brings me back to the fear and lonlines, the anxiety and the isolation.  This is why I decided it was a good time to begin this thing.  One of the things I love about podcasts is that they are made of human voices.  There are times that the content of a podcast doesn’t matter to me.  If I am missing human connection, just hearing another human being talk helps me to feel connected.

I hope that you get a little more out of this than just the comfort of hearing somebody talk.  Hopefully these words are a little more helpful than somebody reading their grocery list, or doing math problems.

My love for contemplative practices comes out of the transformation they have created in my own life.  When I was collecting my thoughts for this podcast, the first thing I wrote here was that there is so much less fear in my life now than there was before I started to meditate.  But that’s not qutie right.  The thing is, the level of fear in my life?  When the world isn’t in the grips of a pandemic,  It;s about the same as it always was.  The reality is that I now know what to do with my fear.  I can hold it with the conviction that it won’t destroy me.


One of the things I wanted to make a regular feature of this podcast was to identify and carry an intention through each recording.  This is a paralell to an intention I might set before sitting down to do a spiritual practice.  In the podcast, the idea is that this intention will be a recurring theme for that particular episode, a lens, perhaps, to view things through at that particular time.

The intention I would like to set this week is to be as radically honest as I know how to be, around my motivations and hesitations.  In this spirit, I would like to say a bit more about my sense of timing about why I chose to create this podcast now.

To be honest, I am a little conflicted.  Because it’s entirely possible that there is a bit of really ugly oppurtunism mixed up with all my other motivations.  Mostly, I really want to help.  I want to reduce lonliness.  I want to equip people to better face their fears.  But the truth is that I love being noticed, I love being thanked for helping people out.  My work in the faith-ing project has begun to generate a few dollars.  And I am so very thankful for this.  Yet…. it does complicate this work.

There is no easy solution to this.  But naming it helps keep me humble and honest and pulls it out of the darkness where it can do the most damage.  So there we are: I have an ego.  I wonder how much of this that I am doing now is motivated by a desire to gratify that ego.


Phew.  That was quite a long introduction.  At this time, I think the plan for each of these podcasts will go something like this:  After I offer up a brief introduction where among other things I will introduce the intention I have for that particular episode. I will share a brief spiritual practice to clear the mind and get us ready for being present to the rest of the episode.  In part 3, I will share a bit about my journey and how I got hear.  In part 4, I will share a bit more about what I see as some of the joys of the contemplative path.  Each week, we will close with an additional spiritual practice.

This is where I got the name ‘Welcome to the Open Hand.’  The Open Hand is, of course, such an evocative symbol.  It has so much meaning in particular associated with contemplative practice.  In my brain, each of these 5 parts is like a finger, or thumb.  Where these comes together, the palm of the hand, so to speak, is what you do with them: how will you pull all these experiences together in your own life?

In between these five sections I will share some information that I think you might want to know.  Some of this will be shameless self promotion.  Some of it will be good work that I have come across, whether it is being done by friends or just a resource that I think ought to be on your radar.  When I give these little pitches, I will be transparent about what my level of connection is to whatever it is that I am pitching.

So, that’s the plan.  Make sense?  Good.  Let’s begin then, with our opening spiritual practice.


In the middle of all the things that are going on, there is probably lots of things that we are not adressing.  Today’s introductory spiritual practice is a version of the welcoming prayer.  reate a safe, quiet environment for yourself.  Turn down your phone and consider lighting a candle.

  1. Breathe deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth.
  2. Take a mental inventory of where you are, right now.  List the feelings you are experiencing.  Do your best to engage this with a nonjudgemental attitude.  Your feelings are neither good nor bad.  They simply are.  
  3. Choose the feeling which seems to be the most impactful.  Think, or say “Welcome ___________”  (E.G. ‘Welcome, Fear.  Welcome, sadness.  Welcome, anxiety.  Etc.)
  4. Breathe once.
  5. Say, or think “I let go of my desire for security and survival.’
  6. Breathe again.
  7. Say, or think, ‘I let go of my desire for esteem and affection.’
  8. Breathe again.
  9. Say, or think ‘I let go of my desire for power and control.’
  10. Breathe.
  11. Say, or think, ‘I let go of my desire to change the situation.’
  12. If you wish, you can repeat this process for a second, troubling emotion.

Let’s just take another minute of silence before we continue.  If you would like more than a minute, now is a good time to pause this recording.  If you would like to try this practice again, now is a good time to cue this recording back to the appropriate spot.


So, you’re probably getting that in each episode there will be five separate sections, like fingers.  After the introductory spiritual practice I will share a little bit of my story.  This is not because I think there is anything particularly exceptional about me.  On the contrary, I suspect that in all the imnportant ways, my story is a whole lot like your story.  We are in this together.  I might go so far as to say that we are, in fact, one.

There’s probably some kind of joke in the fact that we are now on the middle finger, and that’s when I am going to tell you about me.  But I guess I will leave that one alone for now.

In a variety of different ways, I get some questions that are variations on a theme of “What is the faith-ing Project?” or “Why are you doing this?”  Today, I would like to take a shot at answering those questions.  This is going to be a pretty quick run through a few years of my life.  In the future, I will probably offer up a few details on the story that I am know going to share in some pretty quick, broad strokes.

I spent over three decades searching.  I was a philosophy student in college, and a spiritual pilgrim for all my life.  I had a lot of contempt for many of the people I met associated with Christianity, and for the institutions associated with them.  At the same time, I had a fascination with the person of Jesus.

There were a lot of things that fell into place when I first became a Christian.  The first was my wife.  Things were not easy for us, early on.  We fell into a script.  We said hurtful, stupid things to each other.  And it took me a long while to realize that I was still going and she was not.

She had something about her that was able to resist the temptations I was falling into.  A gentleness, a kindness.  One of the many stupid and hurtful rants I would go on would be to disparage her faith.  I found myself beginning to think that there was maybe something to it after all.

We ended up at a church that seemed reasonable, at least some of the time.  I began to spend some time with the associate pastor.  He eventually became the executive pastor.  I would ask him questions and expect him to come out with pat, useless responses.  Some of the time he would respond to my critiques.  Other times he would recognize that I made a really good point and admit that he did not have all the answers.

I fell quite in love with the people at the church.  They took good care of me.  I lead small groups and eventually took on responsibility for all of the small groups.  It was a good time in my life.


But when things took a turn for the worse in my life, the church was not sure what to do with me.  Honestly, I did not know what to do with me either.  At first, people made attempts to help.  There was some incredible genourosity.  But my experience was that there was something toxic, too.

As my difficulties did not get any better, it began to feel like people believed that this situation was entirely my fault.  Please know that I was far from perfect.  I made numerous foolish decisions that made things much worse.  But there was this subtle, profound piece of theology that nobody would have ever expressed in words.  Most of them did not know that they believed this, I think.  But this does not change the fact that there was this belief:  it was a belief that if things are going good in your life, that is a sign that you are doing things well.  If things are going poorly, this is a sign that you are doing something sinful.

From my vantage point of all these years later, I would like to observe that this is an ironic thing to believe, if you make a big deal out of the fact that Jesus suffered horrifically and undeseveredly on the cross.

As time went on my family was in jeapordy.  I developed paralyzing anxiethy and substantial depression.  I lost my license, was perched on the edge of financial disaster.  If it was not for the hard work of really bright pschologists and psychiatrists I would not have been able to function through that time.

As my spiritual deconstruction commenced in the midst of all this, people were making it onto my radar who promoted the power of meditation, contemplation, and spiritual practice.  I had always been interested in these topics, but in my years as an evangelical didn’t get very far with them.  Now, I was given permission to explore.

At first it was difficult to figure much out about how you do these things.  It seems like some people believed firmly that there was only one way to do these things correctly.  The problem was that they couldn’t all agree on just what that method was.  I was just getting out of the fundamentalist movement.  I wasn’t interested in trading one fundamentalism for another.

Also, many people wanted more money than I had in order to share what they know.  I don’t begrudge them that.  We all have to eat.  But it didn’t help me at that time.

As I began to figure these things out, I began to get much better.  I slowly reduced the time I spent in therapy.  I slowly reduced the amount of psych meds I felt like I needed.  I felt…  happy.   I began to wonder why somebody had never told me about this stuff before.  I made a promise to myself, if I could, I would make it easier for the next person to walk that path.

So here we are.  Several years later.  I continue to experience all the benefits of those choices I made to invest in a spiritual practice.  I have curated a website and social media platforms dedicated to sharing the wonders of mysticism and spiritual practice.  I have engaged in dozens of email explorations, sharing the spiritual practices.  I have written a bunch of low cost books on the topic, which have subsidized the time and energy I have put into all the other outlets.

I am happier.  I am less afraid.  I am calmer.   I love to hear about other people reaping the benefits of these gits.  I have had these experiences of God that transcend my ability to communicate…  they practically transcend my ability to understand them.  They have brought me closer than I have ever been to the maker of this universe.

But I want to be real.  I still have bad days.  I still get hangry, sometimes.  I don’t want to meditate every day, even though I have lived this transformation.  Walking the contemplative path makes things better.  It doesn’t make them perfect.

Maybe at some point in the future I will get all fancy with musical interludes to signal the fact that I am now transitioning to another segment.  For now, my friends, you are going to have to deal with awkward conclusions, and me saying things like, “Well, that’s the end of that segment.”  So….  “That’s the end of that segment.”

Let’s take a little pause right here and now, in the middle of the podcast.


  1. The fourth finger….  The ring finger.  Gifts of the contemplative journey.  The topic of being afraid came up earlier today.  Let’s talk about that for a while.

I don’t know if the people around me would have described me as being a fearful person, several years ago.  I do know that fear did motivate lots of my decisions before I started these spiritual practices.  I think that it was a little bit about not wanting a negative outcome to come to pass.  But it was a lot about not wanting to live in the discomfort and anxiety.

Let me try to give you an example.  I am a special educator.  For most of my career, I have worked in residential settings with kids that we sometimes have to physically manage to keep them safe.  The thing about working with kids that could become violent is they don’t magically land at my school after a bad day.  By the time they come to us, these kids have had multiple school failures.  They have been placed in lots of classes, worked with lots of adults.  One of the things we all do with each other, all the time, is shape each other’s behavior based on past interactions.

My students are used to forming temporary unspoken agreements with the people they work with.  If these agreements were sustainable in the long term they would not have ended up with me.  But they might, for example, come into a classroom every single day and tear up the text book as soon as it is placed on their desk.  As the teacher tries to begin a very long process that moves very slowly of helping administrators understand the student is not a good fit for their class, he has to live his day-to-day life.  So it is quite understandable that he stops placing the textbook in front of the students, as he watches his supply of useable books slowly diminish.

When the student is not presented with work that might not be attaimable by him, or which he might not possess the mental endurance to complete, he feels that he has accomplished something.  The teacher and the student have reached a sort-of agreement.  For a time, there is peace in the classroom, and some peace in the heart of the student and the heart of the teacher.  Things are better than they were.

Except that the student isn’t learning anything that he is supposed to be learning.  And both the teacher and the student know it.

Eventually, the student ends up in the school I am at.  If things are rough at home, too, he might live there.

When I started in the field, I was worried by kids who destroyed books.  Or threw chairs.  Or assaulted staff.  I had been trained in physical management.  I use these techniqus when I or someone else is in physical danger.    But this is no easy thing.  I have been hurt on the job a hanffull of times.  Once, I was out for over a month with a sprained back.  Even when I am physically safe and everything goes right, restraints are inevitably are the low point of my week.

But back to the hypothetical student who destroys text books.  Earlier in my career, I would have avoided any kind of confrontation.  His aggressive tendencies would have shaped my behavior.  My passive tendencies would have shaped his.  I would confirm his impression that a show of force is what it take to get people to leav you alone.

I would have taken a very long time to even get to the point where I was expecting any work out of this student at all.  I would recognize that a complete blow up ending in a restraint would have not been particularly likely on any given day.  But as soon as I started to push the issue with him, I would have been in an uncomfortable territory.  My heart would be moving just a little bit faster.  My breath would be coming just a little bit quicker.  I think I did more to avoid that heightened sense of anxiety than to avoid the somewhat unlikely worst case scenario of needing to call for assistance to physically manage the student.

Neuroscientists say that we can trace the evolution of animals through the brain.  If you go the very base of the brain, where it meets the spinal cord, you see an architecture that looks like a very primitive land animal.  If you move out from this center a little bit, the brain looks a little more sophisticated.  When you get to the outer layer—the cerebral cortex—you only see this structure in primates.  I gather that this is the way evolution works, adding new and complicated structures ones to the more basic ones.  There is no magic wand here, to erase what has gone on before.  It would be very strange and surprising if we didn’t see the remnnants of the creatures that came before us.

Fear and anciety locate all the brain activity in those basic places.  We get stuck in our lizard brain.  We are imprisoned to the basic reactions we had before.  When I am not in my lizard brain, it seems pretty simple to come up with a solution like having multiple photocopies of the pages we will be reading for the student who destroyed the books.  When I am not in my lizard brain, I find myself wondering if this student is terrified that the world will find out that he can’t read.  When I am not in my lizard brain, I can explore whether he get’s some sort of tactile gratification out of tearing the books up and help him find something less expensive and destructive to do with his hands.

That’s all pretty basic stuff.  My old special education professors would probably give a very intellectual “no duh.”  To all three of those approaches.  But the thing is, my brain activity wasn’t in the place I could access all that when I was filled with fear and anxiety.

As somebody who calls himself a mystic, who values and talks about meditation, I feel like the things I am supposed to say are supposed to sound like the words of Master Yoda from the Star Wars movies.  I am all for Yoda, but the thing about meditation and fear is an explanation that is really to simple to make a very good fortune cookie.

You wouldn’t think that it took much courage to just sit with out distraction.  You would think that doing nothing would be the easiest thing of all.

But take a look at what we do to our lives.  We fill it with noise and clutter.  We pack our schedules so full.  When we are alone we put on the radio or a podcast.  Sometimes we are even honest enough to admit that we just want some background noise.

Why?  Why do we do this?

When is the last time you have bucked this tendency?

Physically, outwardly doing nothing is a great first step.  But there is some part of our very own mind that colludes with this strange desire that lives inside of us, and in the space between us.  Even when we eliminate the outward noise, the outward busyness, we create this endless babble.

And  all of it…  we do it to drown out the things we are feeling, thinking, and fearing.  I love the image of one of those little, annoying dogs that barks at everything to describe our fears.  Have you ever seen one of these little things that looks as much rodent as it does canine, maybe it is behind a fenced in yard, and every time a car goes by, it runs until it hits the fenced wall, barking all the way?

I always wonder what the little dog would do if the fence wasn’t there.  The car is thousands of pounds heavier.  Hundreds of times larger.  What’s the end game here, little doggy?  Will you be sinking your teeth into the bumper and dragging it back to your water bowl?

Our fears are that little dog.  Only nobody told us it was a little dog.  We always thought it was a dinosaur.  So whenever we heard it we sped up as we passed that house.  Meditation is like somebody opening the gate.  The dog comes out, barking away, maybe he even jumps up and gets half his mouth around a little corner of the bumper.  Regardless, he won’t be dragging us to his water bowl.

Now, I want to be really careful here.  I am not saying that all your fears are unfounded.  Though studies show the huge majority of the things we worry about never come to pass, some bad things happen.  Some of them might have been avoided.  Some of them we saw coming.

Let’s make this real.  One month ago, most of us had lots of worries and fears.  Most of us had no reason to think that this pandemic would soon be the biggest thing on our minds.  Many of the fears and anxieties we held are in fact moot points now.

The dog doesn’t stand for the things you fear.  He stands for the fear inside your mind.  In a really important way, that saying is one hundred percent wrong.  One of the only things we shouldn’t fear is fear itself.   When we create a space and time of emptiness.  When we stop with the noise and the clutter, sometimes that is the very first time we looked at our fears at all.

When we let them come to light we find that we can dismiss most of them.  Then we can do work on the ones that are legitimate and reasonable.  We can’t avoid everything.  There are certain things we will be powerless to avoid.   But in my experience, we do a lot more damage to ourselves by living in denial.

We deny all of our fears rather than face them, usually.  We never sort through and weed out the foolishness.  Most of it is foolishness.

I am not advocating a spiritual practice where you make the decision to consciously just walk into all the things you are afraid of.  There are some who do this.  They find it useful.  But that can be like drinking from a fire hose.  And also a little sadistic.

There is a wisdom in the body and the mind.  When we put away all of our distractions, it will give us what we are ready for.  Just quietly sitting.   employing  a mantra, or a technique like labelling the thoughts, or any of the other possibilities that are out there….  These are like turning the fire house down, so that you get the fears and anxieties in bite size chunks.

Sometimes, people get frustrated when the their chosen spiritual practice doesn’t seem to work perfectly.  Disruptive thoughts sneak in.  Anxieties get past the image we have chosen to focus on.  Fears lead us to lose our focus on the breath.

These practioners find themselves on a hamster wheel of frustration.  Their irritation gets them further away from the peace they sought.  And then they are even further away and more disruptions arise.

This is not a helpful way to look at them.  Spiritual practices are a win-win.  One possible outcome is that they feel like they are leading to a sense of calm, and then it is good.  But the surprise is that the other outcome is also good.  When we lose focus, when these fears, disruptions, and distractions arise, that is also good.  We are seeing these for what they are.  We are given the opportunity to engage the practice again: to return to the breath, to say our sacred word, to place the thought on the leaf on the river.

So, here we are.  Just about to move on to our final segment.  I am going to take this time, between the fingers as it were, to put some things on your radar.  I want to keep my commitment to you that I would be upfront about this stuff, so please be forewarned that the things I am sharing with you today are directly connected to my work with the faith-ing project.

Sometime around May, you can look forward to the next book from the faith-ing Project.  It is called Contemplating the Enneagram.  As you may know, The enneagram is a centuries old system that helps give meaning to our motivations and personalities.  One of the major aspects of the enneagram is the division of all people into types which are assigned numbers.  For example, I am a 5.  Fives are characterized by their love of knowledge, their stinginess, and their challenges with human connections and emotions.

There are lots of great introductions and descriptions of how the enneagram works.  I recommend the Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile or The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert.  Contemplating the Enneagram is not another introduction to this way of understanding our personhood.  Instead, my book will be mostly focused on  contemplative exercises specifically chosen for each type and some considerations unique to each number as they build their own spiritual practice.  Their will be a brief review of the characteristics of each type, but this book will be most helpful after readers familiarize themselves through the books mentioned previously, any of the dozens of podcasts available on the topic, or online resources like the recent Center for Action and Contemplation emails which went out or the Enneagram Institute.

  1. Let’s conclude with another spiritual practice.  This is a relatively brief mindfulness practice.  I am sharing it hear because it is another good antidote to these fear filled times we are living in.  Like many mindfulness practices, this is a good thing to do in the middle of the every day stresses of life.


Exercise 63: And now!

Background:  I suspect that the contents of this practice were inspired by James Finley’s understanding of Thomas Merton’s words, as expressed here.

This practice will ask you to relive a stressful experience.  It is wise to begin to think about that now.  Please practice discretion and self care as you select an event.  There is no need to choose something to distressing.

The Practice:

  1.  And now, bring to mind the feeling in your body at times of stress and busyness.
  2. And now, in your imagination, place yourself in a general sort of situation that might cause this feeling.  A meeting at work.  A difficult class.  An unwanted confrontation.  A procedure you would prefer to avoid.  Furnish your imagination with sights, sounds, and smells.
  3. And now! make it real.  Place yourself in an actual event like this that you recently experienced it.  Continue to use your senses.  Linger on this experience if you can.
  4. And now!  see a toddler.  The child is at play.  But the child is serious about, it too.  There are toys before the toddler.  This child is holding them carefully, turning them over, feeling them, listening to the sounds they make.  The child’s parents are sitting in a love seat.  The smile of the child’s father is only in his eyes.  His mother smiles with her lips though.  The parents are adoring the child.  Watch this scene for as long as you want.
  5. And now!  The toddler is you.  And you are the toddler.  All the things that felt so serious and important are the explorations the child was making into the world around themself.
  6. The mother-father on the love seat is God.  You can climb up there and sit between them, if you wish.  They will help you climb up.


Exercise 55: Meditations for Each Week of Advent

Background: Advent  is a time of quiet anticipation in the darkness.  Traditionally, the weeks leading up to Christmas have been assigned a theme, signified by the lighting of a candle.  As you try these practices you might join in this tradition by lighting a single candle the first week, a pair the next week, three candles the third week, and four candles on the fourth week.

One expression of these advent themes is hope, peace, joy, and love.

These are four powerful words.  They can be used in a few different ways contemplatively.  In the examples below, the word “peace” is used.  If you wish to follow the traditional themes, of course, you should substitute this word for whichever is appropriate to the week.

One way to use these words is as a method of dismissing disruptive thoughts. We set the intention to sit with calm, untroubled minds.   The word (hope, peace, etc.)  is brought to mind whenever disruptive thoughts or emotions arise.  This is a method used in some Buddhist practices and by the Centering Prayer movement.

One important difference between Centering Prayer and Buddhists who use a word to release our preoccupation with distractions is that Centering Prayer invites us to think of the use of this word as a symbol of our consent for the Holy Spirit’s intervention into our quiet time.  One important thing they have in common is that both groups emphasize the goal of being gentle with the use of the word, and avoiding the hamster wheel of becoming emotionally charged as intrusive thoughts threaten to distract us.  Wise teachers have advocated that we aim for a sense of gratitude each time we use our sacred word and avoid the idea that we are “doing it wrong” each time we return to our practice.

55A: The Practice

  1.  Place your feet flat on the floor.  Take 3 cleansing breaths.  
  2. Release your worries and concerns for this time.  Do your best to clear your mind.
  3. As intrusive thoughts arise, dismiss them by thinking the word “Peace.”  Sink into this word.
  4. Continue this practice for as long as you wish.


Background: These words can also be used as a mantra.  A mantra is a word that is used with out stopping.  It is repeated nonstop.  In some ways this is more preventative than the prior strategy.  The hope is that in occupying the mind, we prevent any intrusive thoughts from arising.  I find mantra meditation particular powerful when done out loud.  The word can be chanted or even sung.   I find that after a time, I occupy a strange space of knowing what the word means but somehow also feeling that the word is nonsensical.  This can be a bridge, a case study in the limits of all our concepts and words.

For some, the goal of mantra meditation is to hear the word already being said somewhere deep within.

55B: The Practice

  1.  Create a quite and safe space for yourself.  Light some candles if you wish.
  2. Begin saying (or thinking) your sacred word.  You might begin with a slow and steady rhythm.  Be open to the possibility of chanting or singing.
  3. If thoughts, feelings, or other mental intrustions arise, sink more deeply into the experience of this particular word.
  4. When your time nears an end, release the word.  Sit in a time of wordless union.


Background:  As the name implies, breath prayers are words to God that can be offered up within the span of a single breath.  Usually these are repeated several times.  Often times, the inhalation and exhalation are used differently.  For example, a certain phrase might be connected with the inhale and a different phrase connected to the exhale.

Please recall that you might coordinate this with each of the advent weeks.  Though the example below uses the word “peace” you could also use the word “hope” or “love.”

Practice 55C: A first breath prayer.

  1.  Take 3 deep, cleansing breaths.
  2. With the next inhale, think “Peace”
  3.  Exhale the feelings in your heart and body which stand in the way of peace.
  4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 for the time you have devoted to this practice.



Day 4: Building a Spiritual Practice Through Transitions

We begin this exploration by considering the three words that characterize our focus.  Our first email focused on transition.  Our second was about deconstruction.  Today’s topic is liminal space.
Liminal space is perhaps the most obscure of those three terms.  One source defines the term: “A liminal space is the time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing.”
Rites of passage are traditional ceremonies which mark a person’s entry into a new phase such as adulthood.  In a rite of passage, the participant is identified as being in a liminal space during the ritual itself.  While the rite goes on, the person is no longer a child but not yet an adult.
It’s such a shame that modern western cultures don’t name and identify their rites of passage much.  It is such a powerful thing to notice that a key part of transitioning is the failure to now who we are and how we fit into the world.
One of the gifts of transitions, though, is that they teach us that our identity runs deeper than our context.  Who we are is more fundamental than the things we do.  Sometimes, the only way we can truly experience this is to lose or change the things we do.
Today’s practice is a threshold practice, just as liminal space is a threshold space.  Here, we begin to turn a corner.  We began with practices which importantly identified the dififcult reality we find ourselves in.  With today’s practice, we go deeper than the difficulty.  We look for what the deeper ‘something’ is.
Background:  Before this time of transition, you may have felt like you had much more in the way of answers.   One of the reasons that transitions are necessary is because with out them we accumulate so much of what is simply not necessary.  Just as moving homes requires a difficult process of weeding through our belongings and getting rid of those physical things which we do not need, more spiritual transitions require us to release the things which we do not spiritually need.
We learn, at these times, what is essential.  Sometimes, all we have is the knowledge that we are right here, and that God is right here, and that we are together.
(It is, of course, entirely possible that a person might not even be ready to say that much.  If your transition leaves you in a place where you do not even feel that you can speak of God, this is common and understandable.  It might be necessary to drop those two phrases from this practice, and simply repeat with the inbreath, “Here I am.”)

The Practice:
1.  Take three deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth.
2.  With the next in breath, say or think, “Here I am, God.”
3.  Exhale.
4.  With the next in breath, say or think, “Here you are God.”
5.  Exhale.
6.  With the next in breath, say or think, “Here we are together.”
7.  Inhale.
8.  Exhale.
9.  Repeat steps 2-8 for most of the time you were planning on devoting to this practice.
10.  When you are ready, release these words.  Sit in a time of wordless union.